The Audacity Experiment
What Web Summit taught me about self-belief
Last week I ran a self experiment, to be audacious every day.
I was in Lisbon at Web Summit with my cofounders, where we were showcasing Sanza - our menstrual cycle aligned app for mindful productivity and self trust. It was our chance to be visible, connect and make things happen - so the perfect place to show up confidently and with authenticity.
So what did I learn?
Perception is often more important than reality, and waking up to this (although sad) felt like an exciting opportunity to back myself and create the reality of my wildest dreams.
Being audacious is exhausting when you are not used to it. It is a continual choice of self belief and rewiring my default settings - for me, being audacious has been starting new conversations, backing who I am and what I do with conviction, and even choosing a meal that is out of my comfort zone. Because I trust that I will be ok if it ends up being the ‘wrong’ choice.
Audacity is being open to serendipity and calming the urgency of trying and force, being open to people coming to me because I deserve it. It is slowing my speech, not trying to convince, or fix.
I was surprised by how tiring it was, and by how many times I had ‘slipped up’, always learning something new. Staying in a conversation for too long, not giving feedback on someone’s pitch because I felt it was ‘too spicy’ but it actually would have really helped them, socially fawning. I even woke up with my first word as ‘sorry’, because my instinct was to think I had slept in too long - my default was micro self abandonment.
I’ve realised that being audacious, as with many things, is a practice. Something you continually decide with each interaction. It also requires being ok with people not understanding or liking you. This has sent me into spirals relating to my neurodiversity and internalised ableism - I take one rejection and I go into myself, telling myself that I can’t handle neurotypical social interaction, and that I don’t have the social barometer to be ‘politely audacious’. Essentially, I’m too afraid to put myself out there because it may come across as rude.
When did I learn that showing who I am and being honest was wrong?
When did I learn that backing myself was rude?
Many of us have been conditioned to keep ourselves small. Deprogramming myself from this will be painful and confusing - but it is so worth it.
Through showing up as me and being audacious, I’ve been able to have genuine and inspiring conversations - I’ve also learnt a ton, because being audacious can mean having the confidence to admit when you don’t know something, whilst still offering your incomplete thoughts so people can engage with your point of view as it is forming. Witnessing and holding myself enough to be ok with forming shared understanding in the moment.
Audacity is a tool for me to break down my own barriers and micro manipulations, to relax enough to show people who I am. Audacity has allowed me to truly connect with a number of people this week because I was no longer hiding.
It has taken some trial and error (and obviously it would, we are human!) but I am so grateful because now I feel alive.
I’ve needed a few days to recover from this experiment, but I’d like to continue this in some shape or form. So what’s next? Tackling the limiting belief that I can’t explain things well by creating educational content online for the next 7 days.
Follow me on LinkedIn, Instagram and TikTok to see how it goes. I’ll be talking about responsible AI innovation: from AI/ML basics to the latest advancements and discourse.